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The Big Xanga Switch [May. 2nd, 2004|12:25 pm]
I don't think anybody reads this, but if you do, I switched to Xanga.

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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2004|03:23 pm]
So it's like the year 2050 and people are testing out autopiloted cars. The lead technician is taking a test drive in a new model, when he is cut off by one of the other cars.
"What the hell was that?!" he exclaims.
"Yeah, that one tends to be a little inconsiderate," replies his assistant. "It was made in Japan."
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Laugh, Fucker. [Apr. 18th, 2004|02:11 pm]
[mood |sillysilly]
[music |Kanye West]

Don't tell any "you had to be there" stories...If someone had to be there for them to be entertained, you're just being an incredible bore. However, If you ever tell someone a funny story and they don't laugh, don't say, "you had to be there." Get about 6 inches from their face and yell "LAUGH, FUCKER!" It is not at all your fault that this unimaginitive son of a bitch didn't have to mental capacity to understand your amazing humor, so don't apologize for him.
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(no subject) [Apr. 15th, 2004|10:02 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]

Who got a 5 on their Huck Essay? Mike did. Who's the man? Mike is. Who missed Chappelle's show? Mike did....I'm riiiccchhhhh BIYATCH!
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Spring Break [Apr. 11th, 2004|06:17 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Kanye West - All Falls Down]

Well, the good times of spring break are over, and its time to get back to the pressures of school again...It was good times though. I went skiing and learned how to go off jumps which was sweet (even tho it probably wasn't the best idea to learn that through trial and error). Next fall, fat ski trip! Also Californialand (better known as Disney's California Adventure) was pretty fun especially the funnel cake. If you've never had funnel cake you don't know what you're missing. Went to bubbletea a few times...always a good time...that would be my favorite place in the world if it weren't for those damn loud blenders. Saw ladykillers which is more horrible than anyone who could imagine so nobody see that ever. Saw Walking Tall which was good stuff. Fighting and guns always make for good movies. Went to the beach for 5 mins cuz it was too cold. I chose to go on the cloudy day between two sunny days, which was a bad move. tried to teach Kim how to play poker, which was much harder than I expected. Watched Chappelle's show, which is the best show in the world....I'm Rich Biyatch!
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(no subject) [Mar. 20th, 2004|05:26 pm]
Quotes of the Day:

"Go home, lil Indian." - Snoop Dogg

"Cannibalism by proxy"- Me
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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2004|04:39 pm]
[mood |Very happy: envelope full of $]
[music |Snoop Dogg & Pharrel "It Blows my Mind"]

Do you ever drop the soap in your own shower and reprimand yourself for what could have happened if you were in a less fortunate setting?
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A little of taht, a little of siht, Don't you love my dyslexic shit? [Mar. 10th, 2004|06:03 pm]
[mood |blankVery happy: envelope full of $]
[music |Eminem & D12 - Leader of the Band]

After that subject line, I'm definitely gonna become a poet.

Anyway I have nothing to say but I figured I should fill my 1 post per month quota. I'm taking my driving test next week on wednesday, and I'm gonna pass even if I get the bitch lady...i'm convinced that being overconfident about the whole thing will help me out.

Should I put a disclaimer on my livejournal so people don't write comments when they find it offensive?

Warning: This journal really doesn't give a shit what anybody thinks about what is written in it, so it will possibly offend you...I'm not a KKK prejudice bastard or anything, but in the name of humor I do make fun of some minorities and the one true majority in america: the obese. Did I spell that right? it seems too short to describe such a large subject. Mr. Jones' news notes are getting to me I guess...Don't get too pissed at me fat people my diet is bad enough that one day I'll be fat too. Yeah don't think I'm too mean...I'm actually a sweet guy deep down inside, or at least that's what gets me to sleep at night. And last but not least...I am not responsible for anything I say or any affects it has, cuz I don't mean much of what I say anyway...if you have a problem with anything written here, you may speak to a customer service representative at 1-800-YDOYOUCARE, but that's only if you have an extra hour to spend on hold listening to that annoying song that you always hear in elevators and car commercials.

Everybody is probably gonna find that really stupid, but I enjoyed writing it. (I blame rap music)
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2004|04:03 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |"Fre- Fre- Fr- Fresh"]

Does anybody find it funny that the little plastic cup thing on cough syrup is the same size as a shot glass? Nyquil shooters for everyone :)

Remember making shadow puppets as a kid (or perhaps more recently)? They always made some slight resemblance to a bird, or spider, or some other innocent animal. My sister, however, made a shadow puppet that bears a striking resemblance to a KKK member...and the corruption of innocent childhood passtimes continues.
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It's a bird, It's a plane, it's a tampon! [Feb. 7th, 2004|01:19 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Ok so the last few days (since thursday) I've been sick with this nice little flu sorta thing (hold your feelings of pity/elation). When I'm sick I do two things...watch TV and sleep. In the TV I've been watching recently I've seen so many tampon commercials I'm ready to hang myself with the little string on the end of one. But I do find the advertising ideas of these commercials pretty interesting. In just the last hour I've seen a woman create a rope to escape from a window out of tampons, and stop a boat from sinking. Personally, I'm now confused why any girl would use pads, cuz these commercials make it seem like you turn into freaking MacGeyver if you have one in your purse. I can't wait til these commercials take the next step and turn a woman into superheroes five days each month. Combining superhuman bitchyness and (thru tampons) the ability to save lives, you've got a comic book right there. After seeing these commercials, I'm going to have to go buy some tampons myself just in case I'm ever in a life or death situation.
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